alixabee: dont-let-them-break-y0u: I can safely assume 98% of us should be doing homework
claydols: my eyes change colour depending on my swag levels. they are the darkest brown when my swag levels are at a maximum. i have never seen them change
How to break up with someone
You: Your ex is attractive.
Partner: Which one?
fuckheaded: Clearly she wears those short skirts and skimpy tank tops because she wants the d. and by d I mean vitamin d. she wants to soak up as much sun as she can. because revealing clothes are not an invitation for sex u prick
rabioheab: ha ha look at that nerd he just peed his fucking pants “sir that is a 2 month old baby”
fartgallery: silhouetteofapocketedindividual: fartgallery: I bet that in the future movies wont even need actors, they’ll just create the characters using computers and stuff animation. thats the thing you described. i need some time to think my thoughts
donnacabonna: i’m not like other girls i’m dead
dont yell at me
bananakittywho: snaku: dont yell at me dont yell at me dont yell at me dont yell at me dont yell at me instead of yelling try not yelling if you ever yell at me, i promise you i will cry no matter who you are or what i did
Mom: Can I see your tumblr?
Me: WHAT TUMBLR?! *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito*
vorfreudde: you know how people lose their virginity, im like gaining it
sexcake: i know im ugly but can some guy just take one for the team and love me
koolaidicecubes: gayleaf: I’m not sexually frustrated, I’m sexually FURIOUS *punches hole in wall* *has angry sex with the hole*
illkim: I guess you could say I’m attracted to danger ;) *licks butter knife*
kuroenigma: echobo: lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake
hizbullahtwerkteam: I don’t really trust anyone that doesn’t care about politics or social issues, because these are generally the people who have the privilege of being apolitical, and of ignoring those specific issues.
deodrant: are you ever so sad that you can actually feel your heart ache
thats-slightly-raven: thats-slightly-raven: My dad just dropped a bowl of pasta on the floor and it went everywhere, and he stared at it for like 5 minutes, sighed and then said ‘sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead’ and then he walked off without cleaning it up. I told my dad a post about him has nearly 40k notes and he told me that he doesn’t understand what...
I’m not afraid of dying. Pieces of me die all the time.– Sage Francis (via furples)
tlwifey-fandoms: themasterslover: saving-things-hunting-people: angelsofthelord: sometimes i wish i was european but then i remember i’m american and i’m free so is the alcohol in europe ALCOHOL IS FREE IT’s INCREDIBLY SAD THAT ACCORDIG TO MY DASHBOARD I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE
nickiminiall: isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other human beings?
suojure: malijuanastyles: i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop...
inlovewithitalianfood: you know when you see a picture on your dash and it hasn’t loaded yet but from reading the description/comments you can almost tell what it is and you want to reblog it but it isn’t loading so eventually you just get fed up and reblog it anyway even though it’s still just a white square and you just have to hope it’s not something terrible it’s like the tumblr version of...
madeyourunandhide: if eurovision is the european hunger games then we can all agree that the uk is the tribute who got blown up when they accidentally stepped off the podium before the games had begun
idontneedsavin: yall make gifs from live tv faster than i can get off my couch
I hate my friends
lunaticphan: So my driving instructor texted me, and I was walking so I just typed ‘Ok’ and hit send and then I looked at it and was like WHAT But as it turns out, my friends are entirely responsible for turning ‘Ok’ into a shortcut. Cry
fffcuk: *clears throat, taps microphone* boys *applause*
amoying: give birth to the roof, feed the roof, nurture the roof, raise the roof